Food is one of my love languages. So forgive me if that’s the metaphor that comes to mind.

When I meet people, I almost instinctively invite them over for dinner. If someone, anyone, comes to our house, to share a meal, they will get our best effort. When planning the dinner we will take into consideration whether or not our guest(s) have small children, whether or not they require gluten free options, or if they are vegetarian, whether or not they are adventurous with spicy foods or if they like to play it safe. Do they prefer cakes or pies? These are all things we as the hosts can control. Whether or not the guests have a good experience, is more or less dependent on them. Not every one appreciates my elk meat Uzbek Plov, and I get that. But it won't be for lack of effort. When people are in my home, we will work very hard to make them comfortable, to be decent and respectful hosts. Anyone who has ever come over to the house will agree that the food will be amazing.

At one point in my life I would have considered these longings to be a better version of myself, to break bread with and get to know and earn trust of a wide variety of my fellow humans, to treat them with respect and consideration, I would have considered these impulses that make me tick, and I would have proudly attributed these aspects of my personality to my lived experiences within the Mormon faith.

However, after seeing the news from the institution yesterday, I am not so sure that my personal efforts to connect with my fellow humans, gay, lesbian or otherwise, to meet them were they are rather than ask them to change and adopt my cultural standards has developed not because of, but in spite of the efforts of the institution to keep us in separate corners.

I cannot accept a policy that so negatively impacts the most colorful and talented and beautiful souls in our faith community. To take them from where they were, on the margins of our wards and stakes, and then to knowingly cut them completely off, would be going back in time. It doesn't work that way. I can't unbreak that bread. I can't unshare those meals. I can't fall out of love with those young people. My heart has forever been changed.

Going forward, I am going to continue to work on the things that are under my control. I am going to continue to build bridges with people from all walks of life. I will continue to take time to listen to peoples' stories, to share a meal with them, to bend down low to look their children in the eye as my equals, these are the things that help me make sense of my humanity. These are the experiences that I live for. This is what makes up my DNA. If being myself makes people around me uncomfortable, then, well, that is more or less up to them.

Perpendicular to the Universe

I recently enjoyed a week with best friends in the desert southwest. Time passed delightfully slowly on the sparkling waters of the Colorado River. The rush of a typical daily schedule, slowed to a near standstill. Watches were abandoned below deck, only to be replaced with the original metronome of the sun. 1 cycle per day. The canyon walls, carved out by millions of years of warfare with hydro-logic forces, are still standing proudly taking their positions as the sun dials by which the passage of time can be noted. Shadows passed across the face of the mountains, offering a place of respite from the otherworldly intense summer heat. The week (d)evolved into an exercise of simultaneously both seeking, as well as hiding from the rays of the sun. It occurred to me, that to spend time in a high elevation desert, just this side of the summer solstice, is perhaps the simplest way in which we can truly understand what it means to be fully exposed. To stand in the heat of the noon-day summer sun, with no Ray Bans, no hat, no shoes, no spf anything, to be completely laid bare, is to be truly exposed.  The parts of your skin that begin to complain first are those that are 90 degrees to the sun. The shoulders. The tops of the feet. The nose. For me, my exposed head. After stepping into the sun, each of these body parts seem to be independently aware that it is just minutes away from being miserably burnt. The pain of a sunburn will last for a couple of days. But it will be real pain. And somehow my feet know this and begin to complain. 

What am I doing here? I left my air conditioned home and comfortable surrounding to chase the sun? To experience this level of austerity? In search of what? How is it we can participate in this paradox? Both simultaneously seeking and desperately afraid of The Sun. The Truth. The Universe.  

The sun, this ultimate source of light for my earth-bound body, has the potential to sizzle me into oblivion, burn my retinas beyond repair, bombard me with cancer causing UV rays, suck every ounce of life-giving water from my body, leave me as jerky for the crows. Knowing all of this, I stand there at the water's edge and let it wall wash over me. After a few brief minutes of truth, standing in the presence of this paradoxical source of death and life, I slowly and knowingly reached for my hat, my spf 50, my sun glasses, my t-shirt. Simultaneously sustained and protected from the smothering and blinding heat and the life-giving truth that is the Light. With this protection, I move back into the realm of my fellow humans. The intensity diminished considerably. It was a welcome relief. But also a sad acceptance of my limitations. 

Ultimately I left the desert feeling recharged. Knowing that that if I need to plug back in to that universe, it will be there waiting for me. It felt good to stand out there. On my own. Just me and the sun.








Photography credit to two of my aforementioned best friends. Milo (10), Alexandra (11).

A Human Story

http://abc7chicago.com/news/woman-killed-in-michigan-avenue-bus-crash-idd/763762/

 I spent yesterday walking through Chicago. Happy to be bathing in the man-made urbanity of a bustling city. The whole experience was intensely visceral and made me feel alive from head to toe. It was thrilling to be a part of the ambient energy of the tens of thousands of Chicagoan human pedestrians on the move. It felt like maybe summer was finally in full swing. It was delightful to just let the momentum of these humans carry me around town. I was alone, but not. I was perfectly content spending time in the presence of strangers, occasionally taking photos of architecture and oddities. I had overheard conversations in no less than 10 language. The time passed quickly and it was now 5:30. The rush-hour frenzy was well underway. Thousands of humans had exited their massive glass buildings and were streaming onto the streets. Like the tide rushing in, an ocean consisting of individual drops of humans had completely enveloped me. This living wave of humankind had spilled out onto the streets. Each drop, each human individual had distinct value. Each of us, the center of our own universe. I was so content among this sea of faces. Fellow humans - living, loving, moving, commuting, communing.  

As I approached Michigan Ave, the Google Map bot spat into my single ear bud. “Approaching Lake Street. Turn right in 100 feet”.  My eyes tracked up to scan Lake Street. Something out of my peripheral vision struck a discord. The flow of cross traffic moving left to right at the intersection had shifted. It was barely perceptible, but the forward momentum of the group I was in slowed a slight half-step and took in a collective deep breath. 100 feet in front of me, my fellow humans were meeting a dinosaur-sized vehicle head on. Chicago Transit Authority had lost a bus. It was out of control, and had just careened into what surely was a mass of ‘us’. I was too close to see the cause. The bus had erased the evidence from view. I hung suspended in the instant between the speed of light and the speed of sound. I knew people were under that bus. Then the wall of sound hit me. A single scream. Metal on metal. The unforgettable thumpity, thumpity of heavy rubber tires running over obstacles. The monster finally met something it could not run over and hurked to a stop, smashing into a stepped plaza with shops and outdoor dining.

A reverential hush fell over the crowd.  In a crescendo, that empty space was then filled. First with a chorus of screams. Then prayers mixed with expletives. I guess you could say that in a prayer? I never have, but who’s to say that up there, they don’t exactly care what sort of language we use, just so long as we stay close. It took a few seconds, but now each of us humans understood exactly what had happened. The bus was too big for any one of us to have an idea of the full extent of the damage.  Those who had just barely thrown themselves clear of the bus, now were looking at their own hands, checking them over to make sure they were still real.  This is a universal sign for “holy shit, am I dead? I can’t believe I’m not seriously hurt.” We all knew that there were too many of us in that space that the bus now occupied for there not to be one or two or an entire family, God forbid, underneath the dinosaur carcass.

People instinctively started to climb back under the bus to confirm what we all knew. A human was not there. An empty shell was. The bus had come to rest on one of us. Human bodies have their limitations. Even the full ocean of human drops would not be enough to lift this dinosaur. The intrepid souls reported back that it was a human woman whose heart and lungs and brain had all stopped functioning. This human certainly had value. Each of us immediately considered our own value. I wondered what languages she spoke. The loudest of the cries came from a street corner man. One of those special slightly eccentric humans who are perfectly comfortable standing on street corners. He knew this corner. He loved this corner. This is where is chose to stand and tap into the daily rush-hour energy.   

“She’s gone. She was just walking along and now she’s fucking gone.” 

I lifted my 50mm lens to snap a photo. The carnage. The focus. The framing. The lighting. The street corner man and his scream/prayer. The depth of field. Everything about the photo was perfect. This would surely make the front of the Chicago Sun-Times. I hesitated. The moment passed. It was just too raw to document. Too human for me to claim.  

I let the moment carry me across Michigan Ave onto Lake Street. Walking again felt like the only thing I could do. I was left with only questions. What just happened? What about the driver? When’s Father’s Day? Are humans unique in putting a premium on life not-yet lived? Are we the only species capable of hope? Am I doing what I want to be doing should this be my final walkabout? What corner would I stand on? What corner is she standing on?

Unfinished Humans

They were just like you and me. The small group of people who met together to break bread in 1830. It was April, on a farm. Flies were probably buzzing in the windows as the spring sun was doing what it does in bringing things back to life. This energetic group of unfinished Christians was self-selected from a few local families in the surrounding counties.

Some were there because they had witnessed amazing things in their life and this group represented the only people with whom they felt like they could share their stories with.

Some had been cold-shouldered out of other congregations for being more fluid in their interpretation of the “canon”.

Some had come looking for a community that provided a safe place to explore ideas that were still swirling in their hearts and minds. They hadn’t actually shared these thoughts with anyone – yet. However, certain novel and spontaneous thoughts had over time seemingly and independently bubbled up inside them. And although these ideas were hard to express, when listening to Joseph speak, there was something like a flicker of a candle in their hearts that connected what had previously begun to surface in their own consciousness with his experience.

Still others in the group were on hand to see what money could be made from a group of people naïve enough to be honest.

Some were nervous about what it would mean for their families if their involvement in these meetings was made public.

Some were just curious and were willing to hitch their wagons to anything that looked to have some momentum.

These unpolished saints’ imaginations were active. Their hearts were connected in an inexplicable and unseen counter-culturalism. Where most humans were (and still are) wont to fight over access to resources, for this group the Universe was alive and generous. Church and Religion and Spirituality and Life were about exploring our connection to the universal source and creating ways to share that bounty with others.

The series of events around 1830 were the beginning of a new adventure. I’d like to think that these saints understood the possibility that things could get messy. And that they were OK with rolling up their sleeves.

They were just like you and me.

Many of these proto Mormons would certainly have been struggling with the emotional baggage and personal costs often associated with the growing pains of expanding your faith. The religious environment was intense and any shift away from the established norms would be seen by others as weakness. When in fact just the opposite was taking place. To exert one’s will opposite to the trends of the establishment is to call attention to oneself. That can be extremely challenging. There is a certain easy path of anonymity when you are affiliated with the critical mass of a “legitimate” organization. Anonymity can offer a break from reasoning. The agency associated with reasoning can often be paralyzing. It would have been far easier to ignore those impulses to change the way one sees the world. Being a proto Mormon would have been messy.

Really, to be a proto-anything is a messy undertaking. To exist in this unproven liminal space between the now and the foreseen is uncomfortable. It’s like trying to grow tomatoes in zero gravity. The universe is suddenly a chaos of swirling soil, seeds, some good – some bad, worms, and growing media – no up and no down. The seeds are only catching glimpses of a potential light source shining through the disaster. The world you used to know is spinning out of control. This spiritual vertigo is beyond nauseating. Being an untethered single point in the cosmos is to be alone. Having at least one other fixed point to triangulate from is sometimes all one needs to establish a bearing. Moving from lost to found can be as simple as identifying a stationary point in the cosmos. Ancient sailors, lost on the high seas could instantly get their bearings if the clouds were to part just long enough to get a glimpse of Polaris in the northern skies. Who/What will be that fixture for us? Who/What will be that source of light?

Finding your way to something authentic is messy. In a fake-it-till-you-make-it world, the questions seem to far outnumber good answers. Sometimes it feels like we don’t even know what questions to ask. It must have been the same back in 1830. It’s likely that they weren’t sure what direction to take things, until they ran across ideas in the Book of Mormon that rocked their paradigm. Today, we too face issues that are capable of upending our personal tables. The ultimate outcome of this disorder really depends on what we make of it. When our world is spinning apart, from what points will we get our bearings? Should we trust people who are vested in keeping an institution in tact? Or someone who has nothing to lose? Will we arrange the overturned tables of our faith exactly the way they were before? Or walk away and start all over again. There are no easy answers. The black and white of yesterday makes room for a spectrum of colors and viewpoints and ways to see this mortal experience. Every one of us is entirely unique. And we yearn to contribute to this creation without being required to ask permission.

The evidence would suggest that religious institutions in any era don’t do well with outliers. Within a group that values homogeneity, to have an alternative viewpoint, is to create separation. The natural impulse to categorize other humans is strong. You and them. Them and you. A gap between our hearts and minds is opened up. That gap between the hearts and minds of humans is what we’ve been asked to go back into the chaos and bridge. In previous generations this gap was referred to as enmity. Think about that for a minute. What would a society look like where human beings supported each other, while they worked out their demons with their own God? As compared to a society where it’s my god vs your god. My stuff vs your stuff. Cheap answers offered in response to heavy questions. What if things were different? What if we started to use our imaginations again? What if we rolled up our sleeves and supported each other while each created something unique? It wouldn't be like raising barns or clearing farm land for each other like our predecessors. This would be far different from any evangelizing efforts we may have been a part of in the past. This would not look anything like multilevel marketing. We would not to be personally invested in the results of our outreach efforts.

Each of our efforts to connect with the Divine could potentially take every single one of us on an individual and unique path. Are we OK with that? These efforts will certainly not funnel everyone into an identical two-pant suit. With the understanding that we are all just people in transition, working diligently to get our bearings, any advice offered to each other would be carefully considered and deliberately weighed against the golden rule. Each of us would need to work to find unique ways of making ourselves available. I have a dear friend who dyes his hair blue for church. He does this so that anyone frustrated with homogeneity and simplistic answers, can take one look at him and see that he could be someone they could sit by and possibly get some straight talk. We’ll have to be more comfortable with straight talk. When you are seemingly lost, to have one other human extend their hand, bridge that gap and tell you that “you are not crazy and you are not alone” can be the difference maker. That’s straight talk. To eliminate the enmity that exists between us humans is the work of healing, even salvation – whatever that means. To know and connect with and empathize with others along the full spectrum of humanity is to know and connect with The Divine. It was Eve, the mother of all living, who in her Wisdom, was the first in the primal partnership to recognize that to support her children she needed to break an existing pattern. She needed to take that brave step back into the disorder.

Could it be that we don’t need to go off to exotic places in the world to make a distinctive
contribution? What if we worked to make ourselves available right where we are? For so many of us the internet has provided that chance to open ourselves up to unique connections. I would submit that Joseph was on to something when he talked about the keys to the ministering of angels being associated with a preparatory priesthood. To participate in this cosmic effort to connect with other untethered souls, is to take up company with the angels. I have no idea what this even means, but I still believe in the concept of angels.

What if that group was stirred to action by the same unseen forces that is stirring our hearts today? The proto-Mormons saw something was off and felt a calling to engage in the work – to “go and do”. What if this group of humans, who were just like you and me, happened to be self-selected from a community that idolized itinerant preachers? That’s what people did back then. They cleared land, planted farms and in their free time they stood on street corners and preached. And it seems like these particular proto-Mormons were perfectly selected for and got really good at preaching and baptizing. 14 million is a heckuva down line. Well, what if those same angels are again stirring in the hearts of humans. Humans with imaginations who are looking for something more. This time the group isn’t really keen on preaching. And we happen to see most institutions as essentially self-serving.

What if those same timeless forces of the unseen are again stirring us to action? Encouraging us to stop pretending and to work towards something authentic. What if we took a break from idealizing the painfully pious, puritanical, starched-collar types? And instead we take a page from JD Salinger’s ever-questioning gadfly protagonist Holden Caulfield. It might look a little crazy, but anything is going to look asymmetric when compared to the empire of sameness of the current model. What if we gave each other some space to explore? To create? What would that look like? What if being a member of this order of priesthood means that we empower each other to be difference makers in the lives of other humans. Wherever that takes us. Helping each other make sense of our unique experience.

Our own personal callings could manifest as social activism, or as an impulse to work to restore dignity for other humans who are down on their luck, or to create art or literature that serves to bind our human spirits together. What if the cosmic model is flat rather than vertical? In this current era of global connectedness, exclusivity would make way for a borderless inclusive outreach. And the thing is, this is already happening. There are so many people who are difference makers. Let us tie in to that, wherever it takes us. Then let us reach out and find each other again and share those stories. Let us make safe places where we can share the amazing stories of our own transformations. Let us make room for each to determine our own canon and write our own stories. Whatever that looks like. It will never be a world dominating institution. It will be small and nimble and portable. Successful in spite of the institution. Let us spend some time as small groups of unfinished humans, enjoying the energy of the sun doing what it does in bringing things back to life. There’s a lot to live for.

Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, Species

Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, Species

Friend or foe?

Sorting souls is precarious.

A risky game for you or me.

Are we in the same bucket?

(Have I kicked the bucket?)

Who sorts us?

People do

Their radar is finely tuned.

Who keeps promises? Who shows up?

Is my gaze met? Does she care?

I think, yes.

So many, 

Souls have found what I know too.

Your sort feature has been turned off.

His Kingdom, is your Kingdom

#Nofilter.

This is why,

Broken souls come to your home.

Time and again their radar

Brings them into your circle

Hands open.

Different

Is beautiful in your eyes.

Leave the sorting to their Maker.

A mantra of mature love.

Kingdom come.

--for Heidi 

Look and Live: Israel’s serpents as metaphors for healing and evolution of the soul

When was the last time you were lost? Really lost…. Maybe you’ve lucked out and have never been dreadfully lost and alone in the wilderness, seemingly left to your own wanderings. Take it from me, the very thought is unsettling. Our family has always lived in the inter-mountain west; that particularly enchanting tract of the world where every major city has within an hour drive, both massive forested mountain ranges as well as desperately expansive and lonely deserts. I’ve been good and lost in both the mountains and the desert. The quickness at which I have turned in a semi-controlled panic to the Lord in prayer in these holy-crap-I’m-lost-and-am-going-to-be-carrion-by-morning scenarios shouldn’t be surprising. I am a complete amateur hack when it comes to wilderness survival. That, coupled with my morbid imagination plagued with increasingly complicated worst case scenarios, makes me a perfect example of the worst Israel has to offer. Hesitant and bumbling. Needy with an independent streak. Ignorant, and yet entirely arrogant. And yet, that’s the state many of us find ourselves in. Israel is us. We are Israel. In Numbers 21 we find Israel (ourselves) in the lone and dreary world. This is no ordinary wandering. Imagine being dreadfully lost in the desert for forty years. At this point in their story, Israel has walked far enough out onto the tightrope that to turnaround and return to what’s left of Pharaoh’s kingdom is impossible. We too are very literally in this same position. We are lost and our retreat back to the world that we once knew is closed off, our metaphorical Red Sea has closed behind us and we are lost in this world; Option 1 – Continue wandering in the wilderness paralyzed by fear, or option 2 – take a few deep breaths and allow the Lord to change the way we perceive the wilderness.

NUMBERS 21                                     

2 And Israel vowed a vow unto the Lord…

3 And the Lord hearkened to the voice of Israel….

4 And they journeyed from mount Hor by the way of the Red sea, to compass the land of Edom: and the soul of the people was much discouraged because of the way.

5 And the people spake against God, and against Moses, Wherefore have ye brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? for there is no bread, neither is there any water; and our soul loatheth this light bread.

6 And the Lord sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.

    7 Therefore the people came to Moses, and said, We have sinned, for we have spoken against the Lord, and against thee; pray unto the Lord, that he take away the serpents from us. And Moses prayed for the people.

8 And the Lord said unto Moses, Make thee a fiery serpent, and set it upon a pole: and it shall come to pass, that every one that is bitten, when he looketh upon it, shall live.

9 And Moses made a serpent of brass, and put it upon a pole, and it came to pass, that if a serpent had bitten any man, when he beheld the serpent of brass, he lived.

10 And the children of Israel set forward,

This story in the Hebrew Bible is as much our story as it is about the children of Israel. We all start out alike, naked and alone in this wild place, eventually finding out that we too have been bitten. That is the nature of this fallen world. Each and every one of us has partaken of the poison that will ultimately kill us. In the words of Hercules, "it sucks to be mortal." In our fallen state, we are lost causes.  It is the simplicity of the antidote that is far too often our unfailing. Look! That’s all we have to do is change our perspective, and we too can leave the false and poisonous serpents behind and reach out as individuals and as a community to the One that can heal us, restore us all to our pre-bitten selves. Born again.

Israel had existed in Egyptian captivity for generations. This systemic absence of personal and societal agency served to numb

the imaginations of multiple generations of the covenant people. However, like you and me today, Yahweh intended for Israel to think and act and intuit for themselves. And He mercifully worked out a plan to eventually turn their/our collective attention and imaginations away from the darkness of captivity towards the light and hope of a new dawn. Moses was sent to remind Israel of this and the first step was to direct their attention upwards. He used an ancient symbol of a true and wise serpent who’s upwards ascent symbolizes healing, fresh starts, re-birth, growth, vitality and potency. Moses gave Israel an effective symbol that would resonate within their collective heart, stimulating them from paralyzing inaction towards acts of faith. Like all sent ones, Moses was called to awaken in the hearts of Israel, the dormant memory of this life-giving snake. Snakes are amazing animals, continually transforming themselves through the shedding of their skin. For a snake, this death and rebirth process is the only path to growth. To resist this natural process, would eventually render the snake paralyzed in its own skin. To progress, it must leave behind its old self. To the ancients, the snake has always been present been a symbol of rebirth, each cultural mythos contains the archetype of a wise and changing serpent. This symbol would have existed in Egypt for generations and would have been familiar to the Israelites, allowing it to serve as an effective impulse to change the way they view their desert experience. The brass serpent itself has no magical powers of transformation. Like our own baptism, this symbol is meant to serve as a metaphor for the inner work that we are currently engaged in while here in our own coat of skins (mortal body). We too are called to lay down our old life and accept The Lord as our God. We are called to leave behind our old skin and step out of the water, born again, this time with the new name of the only true and living Deity written across our fore head. Marked by the only One who is capable of fully removing the poisons of the broken and contaminated institution of the imposter pharaoh and in its place filling our collective circulatory system with the vibrant life-giving substance that is the grace and glory of the true Creator of this world. There is a reason the poets of the scriptures keep coming back to this image of a healing serpent. It’s effective. The prophets in both the Old and the New World will follow Moses’s lead  will keep coming back to this effective symbol.

For us Israel should serve as a case study. A microcosm of the world and a macrocosm of ourselves. In John we see the Savior coming back to the same serpent metaphor of personal growth through laying down of the old self and being reborn with a more complete perspective. As usual, John can be read on multiple levels and the themes can be applied to the individual, to a beloved community and ultimately on a cosmic scale, with the entire creation needing to shed its skin and be reborn again in a more perfected condition, that much closer to what it looked like in the beginning. That much closer to reaching our eternal potential. The end coming together and back again to the beginning. John gives us a complete perspective of a changed man in the example of Nicodemus and his trans-formative journey.

JOHN 3                                                           

⁷ Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again.

⁸ The wind (πνεuμα) bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit.

⁹ Nicodemus answered and said unto him, How can these things be?
¹⁰ Jesus answered and said unto him, Art thou a master of Israel, and knowest not these things?
¹¹ Verily, verily, I say unto thee, We speak that we do know, and testify that we have seen; and ye receive not our witness.
¹² If I have told you earthly things, and ye believe not, how shall ye believe, if I tell you of heavenly things?
¹³ And no man hath ascended up to heaven, but he that came down from heaven, even the Son of man which is in heaven.
¹⁴ And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up:
¹⁵ That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.
¹⁶ For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
¹⁷ For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.
¹⁸ He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.
¹⁹ And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.
²⁰ For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved.
²¹ But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God.
²² After these things came Jesus and his disciples into the land of Judaea; and there he tarried with them, and baptized.

In verse 8 we get a description of what someone is like who has been reborn. Flexible. Going where the spirit (πνεuμα) blows them. Think about the opposite of the political and religious institution that Nicodemus represents. His good old boy network is steeped in dogmatic tradition. The crust on the outside of their religion and social practices is nearly impenetrable to the wind that “bloweth where it listeth…” This powerful imagery was not understood by Nicodemus at the time, but further on in the Gospel of John in chapter 7, we see his first acts of faith where he speaks up for Jesus against the others in the institution, giving voice to the initial stirrings of his heart. This exchange occurs at a very public event and in the commotion of the Passover feast, Jesus says a few things that get the crowds stirred up. Some see him as from God, a fulfillment of prophecy. Others are hesitant. The religious leaders of the day are quick to inquire as to his credentials based on their own criteria.

JOHN 7                                                               

⁴⁶ The officers answered, Never man spake like this man.
⁴⁷ Then answered them the Pharisees, Are ye also deceived?
⁴⁸ Have any of the rulers or of the Pharisees believed on him?
⁴⁹ But this people who knoweth not the law are cursed.
⁵⁰ Nicodemus saith unto them, (he that came to Jesus by night, being one of them,)
⁵¹ Doth our law judge any man, before it hear him, and know what he doeth?
⁵² They answered and said unto him, Art thou also of Galilee? Search, and look: for out of Galilee ariseth no prophet.
⁵³ And every man went unto his own house.

Perhaps this effort by Nicodemus in speaking up to the Pharisees about their rashness in judgment was the initial step he took in what was his life-long process of changing his perspective (μετανοέω), or looking up. His first act of faith was asking a question.  Sometimes just giving voice to these stirrings of the spirit can be a real turning point in someone’s life. Here Nicodemus has gone on the record in front of the old-guard institution that maybe their law and the harshness with which they use it to judge others, is spiritually violent and out of line. Later in chapter 19 we pick up the story of Nicodemus as he makes a sacrifice in procuring the myrrh and aloes associated with the anointing of the Lord’s body in preparation for making the ascent.

JOHN 19 

³⁸ And after this Joseph of Arimathaea, being a disciple of Jesus, but secretly for fear of the Jews, besought Pilate that he might take away the body of Jesus: and Pilate gave him leave. He came therefore, and took the body of Jesus.

³⁹ And there came also Nicodemus, which at the first came to Jesus by night, and brought a mixture of myrrh and aloes, about an hundred pound weight.

⁴⁰ Then took they the body of Jesus, and wound it in linen clothes with the spices, as the manner of the Jews is to bury.

For Nicodemus, this transaction is the next progression in the changing of his perspective and the symbolic exchanges of removing the poison, the monetary economic system of the seen world. In a symbolic act he exchanges his own personal treasure for the holy anointing oils to ensure Jesus’ safe passage into the cosmos[1]. This progression of Nicodemus from his initial inquiry (John 3), to his speaking up against the untouchable old guard of the institution (John 7) to the sacrifice of his worldly treasure (John 19), could be seen as snapshots in the process of Nicodemus’ transformation. For some the rebirth process takes a life time. The transformation of Nicodemus is one that should offer hope that we are not in charge of the timing of these spiritual matters, and individuals who are still asking rather ignorant questions, are at the bare minimum engaged in the process. They are asking questions! That should be seen as the miracle that it is. They are starting to open their eyes and look around for the brass serpent that offers rebirth.  Those representatives of the world, who try to put people back into the caste system of their mortal birth, “Art thou also from Galilee?”, should be seen for exactly what they are – snakes of the imposter, working to limit the progress and transformation of individuals by keeping them chained to their former identities. The Lord is patient in our development and we should be patient with others while they work through the questions of their heart.

This brings up a great question - How do we know which snakes are which? The ancient world has stories across space and time, which place us mortals in contact with snakes that represent rebirth and wisdom as well as poisonous impostors. What do we do with these two very different types of snakes? This is THE question of the ages. Perhaps best put by The Witch of the South, “what the Munchkins want to know is are you a good witch or a bad witch?” All epic adventures place the main characters in positions of paradox, who to trust. This is a decision we are left to make alone. No lollipop guild should be trusted with this decision. However, Jesus gives us the most human and basic of testing criteria. “By their fruits, you shall know them”, he said. The only way to see if the fruit is any good is to taste it. How delightfully primal and human! For me, the very presence of this simple test from the Savior would indicate that it is in our purview as humans to be exploratory and inquisitive. We are called to be out there trying new things, tasting new foods, meeting various different peoples and ideas. Paul uses the highest of ironies in his letter to the Galatians stating that if you’re out there using this taste test and your own agency to determine what is of God and what isn’t, you have risen to a place where the law does not apply to you. Galatia was a hot spot for diaspora Jews who would have been working overtime to Judaize the gospel of Christianity. These super-duper-law-abiding Jews would reject the simplicity of this test and the inherent freedom given us to explore the world and use our agency. They would reject simplicity in exchange for stodgy complexity. They wanted to turn back the clock. They wanted to go back to their old ways of bogging things down. What was a flexible, portable, nimble and responsive approach to spirituality, the Jews were hell bent on crushing with the weight of a thousand years of rabbinic law books. Paul says, you don’t need that. Jesus had fulfilled the law. Leave those dusty books on the shelf and go out and do some good.

GALATIANS 5

 ^22-23But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Men certainly don’t have a monopoly on intuition. Of course it was Mother Eve who was the first to venture out of the garden and try new things. She lead the way in showing her children that it’s ok to try new ideas out. If they taste bad, there will be consequences, but in the long run, it is better that we should try and fail than leave it on the tree. I believe this sentiment is echoed in the story of the brass serpent in Numbers 21. My heart won’t let me believe that it was the Lord who “sent fiery serpents among the people”. But I certainly believe that Eve, the Mother of All Living, is deeply invested and interested in us being here, on this earthly plane,  among the fiery serpents of the world, looking and learning, and sometimes being bitten, all the while knowing that the poison is not permanent, but is essential in the re-birth and ascent that is our destiny.  We have been promised that They will provide a Savior for us, whereby we may come back into their presence and with them partake of eternal life and exaltation.

In the new world writings of the Book of Mormon, both Nephi and Alma revisit this serpent imagery. Both of these men have dramatic stories of personal transformation. Nephi had firsthand experience with wandering in the wilderness and after broadening his perspective was personally ministered to by the Savior.  They almost overly simplistic language Nephi uses to describe the process of being reborn is telling.

1 NEPHI 17  

40 And he loveth those who will have him to be their God. Behold, he loved our fathers, and he covenanted with them, yea, even Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob; and he remembered the covenants which he had made; wherefore, he did bring them out of the land of Egypt.

41 And he did straiten them in the wilderness with his rod; for they hardened their hearts, even as ye have; and the Lord straitened them because of their iniquity. He sent fiery flying serpents among them; and after they were bitten he prepared a way that they might be healed; and the labor which they had to perform was to look; and because of the simpleness of the way, or the easiness of it, there were many who perished.

42 And they did harden their hearts from time to time, and they did revile against Moses, and also against God; nevertheless, ye know that they were led forth by his matchless power into the land of promise.

Nephi says that the “Lord loveth those who will have him to be their God.” To me it’s not as poetic as what John has to offer. You’ve got to give Nephi some credit here for cutting right to it. Nephi just goes right for it and says that the Lord will take a personal interest in your life. He’s saying, if you will have Jesus be your God, He will love you. He will be there as the comforter the paraclete.  And then Nephi boils it all down to one single sentence, “The labor you have to perform is to look”. His advice to us, upon finding ourselves alone in the wilderness is to change our perspective. Accept a Christian world view. Look. And. Live. The Lord can help us transition our own imaginations from places where self-destructive and fearful thoughts are generated, to a place where a clear vision of the future is held in our mind’s eye and our role within the creation of that future new world can come clearly into focus. And with Him at our side we are able to go into the world and fulfill what it is we are called in our hearts to do.

LECTURE ON FAITH 6          

4 Such was and always will be the situation of the saints of God, that unless they have an actual knowledge that the course that they are pursuing is according to the will of God, they will grow weary in their minds and faint; for such has been and always will be the opposition in the hearts of unbelievers and those that know not God, against the pure and unadulterated religion of heaven, (the only thing which ensures eternal life,) that they will persecute, to the uttermost, all that worship God according to his revelations, receive the truth in the love of it, and submit themselves to be guided and directed by his will, and drive them to such extremities that nothing short of an actual knowledge of their being the favorites of heaven, and of their having embraced that order of things which God has established for the redemption of man, will enable them to exercise that confidence in him necessary for them to overcome the world, and obtain that crown of glory which is laid up for them that fear God.

The process of death and rebirth is a transformative and life long process. It is something that few take seriously. It requires a great deal of inner work. The personal nature of this reflective work of inventorying your life experiences and seeing what tastes good in the holy of holies of your own heart can be a giant leap for many. The sacrifice and suffering required to assess your current perspective on the world and the willingness to throw all of that to the side and let the Lord rebuild you in His image, is not something to be taken lightly. Religions today are so focused on the outward efforts of the management of sin that the deep states of consciousness required to change, are difficult to understand let alone create. The very pace of the modern American way of life flies in the face of the introspection required to see what ideas /truths connect us back to our divine heritage and what ideas mistruths separates us further. From the beginning, the Lord has sent messengers to see if we’ve been true to the first signs that we are given. If we exercise faith and wait before we get mixed up with any particular set of ideas, these messengers will then return with additional information. This all has to be weighed and tasted by each one of us. None of this can be packaged for mass export. This is a very personal and deeply transformative process. And as we saw with Nicodemus, there will be those in power, who we were once associates with, who will work to keep us from looking past our current state of mind. This will be painful. Upon sending them out, the Lord warns those messengers what will happen to them when they go out to preach this transformative gospel. In Matthew 10 he starts out by directing the newly

called apostles, or “sent ones” to be wise as serpents and harmless as doves. Again we see this imagery of serpents. These wise serpents have done the inner transformative work required to see the people here for what they are. They are called to be saviors of men. They have lived. These are not novices that He is sending out. They have done the work. To be called and chosen to serve on this earth is not an easy thing. Among the inhabitants of this fallen planet, there is a strong tendency to divide and conquer, to buy-up and dominate, to break down and destroy each other for personal gain. These actions are not in line with the true message of communion and oneness that we hear from the Lord. They don’t taste good. These are actions of the natural man and when on one that level we appear to be gaining, on the cosmic level we are only further separating ourselves from each other. This image of a harmless serpent-dove is that of a true messenger of the Lord, one who is able to see her brothers and sisters as simply being caught up in this vicious cycle, prisoners of the societal norms that they were born into, bitten by impostor snakes, suffering and in need of the unconditional non-judgmental love of an angel. The impostor snakes of the world will be hard at work separating us one from another. Dividing us along political lines, party lines, race lines, religious lines, socio-economic lines. The efforts to pit us against each other is the work of the world and is to be rejected. Spit it out. Any divisive ideas these impostors are spreading that keep us from being present for each other, is harmful and needs to be rejected. That fruit is rotten. Nicodeums asked a great question – “Doth our law judge any man, before it hear him, and know what he doeth?” The Pharisees didn't even want to think about this question. The answer is far too personal. To dignify this question with an appropriate response takes a life time, and the Pharisaical response is absolutely telling of their mind set. “You’re from Galilee. Everyone knows that nothing good comes from Galilee.”  When it comes to passing judgment on people as individuals or on their way of viewing the world, Jesus asks us first to pray for them. Then he shows us that it’s OK to have them over for dinner. Again we see this imagery of eating and tasting ideas and food both as individuals and in communion at a common table. More often than not we are going to see that we are the same. We are all Israel. It is only a matter of time before these tables that for so long have been set in opposition will be turned and as a world community we will start to cast our eyes about, and see that the fight us not us against them, but it is us against the world. Once we see the fiery serpents for what they are, impostors, then we will be able to crush their heads, or more likely they will disappear altogether as they were a figment of this broken world and it will have been lifted to a higher plane entirely. In our efforts to help others, we need to take the time to truly know and understand someone, to see them as the angels see them. We are called to make every effort to be harmless. For those who feel called to the work, let this image of harmless serpent-doves be the model.

3 NEPHI 11 

38 And again I say unto you, ye must repent, and be baptized in my name, and become as a little child, or ye can in nowise inherit the kingdom of God.

39 Verily, verily, I say unto you, that this is my doctrine, and whoso buildeth upon this buildeth upon my rock, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against them.

40 And whoso shall declare more or less than this, and establish it for my doctrine, the same cometh of evil, and is not built upon my rock; but he buildeth upon a sandy foundation, and the gates of hell stand open to receive such when the floods come and the winds beat upon them.

41 Therefore, go forth unto this people, and declare the words which I have spoken, unto the ends of the earth.

Let us come together as a people and reject the divisiveness that keeps us from lifting up our eyes and beholding the Giver of Life. Let our message be simple in that it is Jesus Christ alone, who stands ready to meet our gaze and embrace us as we part the material veil that separates His Kingdom of Light from this place that has too long been overrun by fiery serpents. Accept no imitation.

                                

Phil Berry, Jr.

July 13, 2014

[1] For Jesus, having attained to the resurrection of the dead, the path back through the Cosmic Sea is again open. Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith Conference Address, April 1844. Here, then, is eternal life—to know the only wise and true God; and you have got to learn how to be Gods yourselves, and to be kings and priests to God,10 the same as all Gods have done before you, namely, by going from one small degree  to another, and from a small capacity to a great one;  from grace to grace,  from exaltation to exaltation, until you attain to the resurrection of the dead, and are able to dwell in everlasting burnings,  and to sit in glory, as do those who sit enthroned in everlasting power. And I want you to know that God, in the last days, while certain individuals are proclaiming his name, is not trifling with you or me.